The Prayers of a Child

 

Some of you may know that we have been trying to have another baby for over 4 years now. I did get pregnant a couple of years ago but miscarried. That was hard. Several months ago Stan and I decided to stop actively trying. I decided that I don’t want to deal with the monthly disappointments anymore. I am extremely grateful for the 3 kids that I do have. We were lucky to even have a 3rd child. I feel very blessed, but even so, this has been a hard trial to endure. Even though I will always be sad that we didn’t get the opportunity to have more kids, I am slowly coming to terms with it. However, I still can’t bring myself to get rid of all the baby clothes. :)

The hardest part about all of this right now is that my sweet 6 yr. old Dallin refuses to accept that we won’t have any more kids. Dallin has always loved babies and wants so badly to have a baby brother or sister. He has prayed for it night and day for over 2 years now.

Some cute stories…

*In one of his prayers when he was about 4 years old he said, “Bless that we’ll have another baby…and that it will be so cute.”

* When my sister Merilana was pregnant a couple of years ago, I remember Dallin coming up to me and exclaiming, “Mom! Merilana’s tummy is HUGE! She’s going to have a baby!” He was so excited for her. He then continued, “I don’t know how she did it. I just know to pray and pray.”

* When Dallin was about 4 ½, Parker was saying our family prayers one night and asked Heavenly Father to bless us with another baby. After the prayer Dallin said, “C’mon!!! When is mommy going to have a baby? We’ve prayed for it LOTS of times! It should come RIGHT NOW!” I think at that point he was starting to get a little impatient. :)

* Several months ago he mentioned to me that he had noticed that he is the only one anymore who prays for me to have a baby. I guess the rest of us kind of gave up on it and stopped praying for it. I was surprised that he actually noticed that. I took that opportunity to talk to him about the possibility that we wouldn’t have any more kids. He then said, “I’ll never give up on having a baby.”

*A few months ago he came to me and said, “I hope that I will catch a Leprechaun someday…then I could have a wish and wish for you to have another baby.”

*There have been a few times where Dallin would look at my tummy and say, “Mom, your tummy looks like it has a baby in it.”  I have to keep reminding him, “No honey…it’s just fat.”  :)

*Last Sunday after church Dallin informed me that he wasn’t going to eat lunch so that he could fast for me so that I would have a baby. What’s funny is that a few minutes later I see him opening up the cupboard. He said, “I’m just going to have some snacks instead of lunch”. When I informed him that fasting means no food…including snacks, he quickly changed his mind about fasting. :)

*Sometimes Dallin likes me to say my morning personal prayers out loud so that he can hear me pray. Recently he asked me to pray out loud and looked at me intently and said, “Mom…don’t forget to pray that we’ll have another baby.”

Can you see why this is so hard for me?? What a sweetheart! It just hurts so bad to not be able to give him a little brother or sister. I suppose that he will eventually come to terms with it too. I do have to say that I have complete trust in my Heavenly Father which helps beyond measure! I have no doubt that He knows me, loves me and weeps with me. It helps so much to know that God sees the whole picture and knows what is best for me. If having another baby is not what is best for me and my family, then I can accept that. I am truly grateful to know that He is aware of my feelings and will help me (and Dallin) get through this trial. I’m grateful to know that it is all working out the way that it is supposed to work out. And besides…being at this stage in life isn’t such a bad thing. I’m actually enjoying it. Maybe you’re even a little jealous of me… no more diapers, no babies hanging out with us on our date nights, no more sleepless nights, grocery shopping by myself, naps in the afternoon etc. etc…are you jealous yet?? :)